Insight Magazine

September ‘16
In This Issue...

September ‘16
The Psychology of Men

Many have asked me to explain the psychology of men in an attempt to understand them better

. As some of you might think, and definitely including myself “they are the creatures that we can’t live with and can’t live without. But are there truly differences between both genders that if we totally comprehend, our lives will be simpler and better, our relationships will make sense, and our communication will improve? As I am sure you have experienced an ample amount of time when you felt upset by something your male partner said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do and then found yourself concluding that whatever the issue is, it results from his very maleness, from the fact that he is a man, that he simply ‘can’t help it.’ Certain notes are sounded again and again when women talk about the troubles they are facing with their men: “But you know that’s how men are” or “He’s a man after all, it is not his fault” or “MEN!” Typically the women listening nod and laugh, bursting with agreement. These and other platitudes are recited as a way to minimize our consistent distress and frustration. 
Well some research has shown that men and women are more alike than different. However, other research has demonstrated some obvious differences in terms of emotional needs. Additionally, men have higher traits of assertiveness, aggression and risk taking than females. They are also found to be less sociable, less emotional and harm avoidant than females. Men are found to have shorter attention spans, cannot handle long conversation and repeated messages. They lose focus quicker; they lose interest in emotion-filled communications, plus they don’t like generalizations about their behaviors. It seems that their brain is more divided into boxes where each is specifically labeled for the various areas of their lives. The secret is that these boxes do not touch and their favorite box is the “empty box”. You know those times when he is holding the remote control with an open mouth and expressionless face, changing the channels on his lazy boy and looking like a total vegetable….He is in his empty box. This is the time not to approach or discuss….he is not there with you at all. On the other hand, female brains are capable of multitasking and are fuelled with emotions all the time.  
Realizing some of these differences makes us come to the conclusion that indeed MEN are MEN and they are different than women, so relating and communicating with them needs to be on a different level than relating and communicating with women. So let us look at some points that might help better the communication with our male counterparts:
Choose the right time…..stay away from his time alone in his empty box….He likes his box more than you.
Keep your sentences short and sweet …..a couple of words suffice. Discuss only one thing at a time. Do not generalize his current behavior with everything else.
Do not start the conversation with the phrase “you never…..”…you will lose him in less than a second as he went into defense mode to protect himself and now he is attacking you instead of listening to you.
Show him or tell him what he needs to do….sometimes he has no idea.
When you are asked “what is wrong? Please don’t assume he can read minds and he will predict perfectly how you feel….simply tell him what is wrong.